A Coffee and a Mid-Life Panic Attack Friday
At 44 years of age, I could be firmly in the market for a mid-life crisis. I mean, look at all I’d have to contribute to such an event:
- I'm childless.
- I've yet to finish writing a book.
- My house should be way neater and organized than it is, considering my childlessness.
- I have many, many unfulfilled goals and unrealized dreams.
- I've wondered more than a handful of times whether or not I've missed the mark in relation to God's will for my life.
- Speaking of which, what is God's will for my life?
- What, exactly, do I have to show for 44 years of life on this planet?
But then part of me thinks, “How mundane!” It’s not like I’m the only person in this whole universe to have experienced all of the above. Some have experienced less, while others have fought with much harsher circumstances and situations. All the same, my struggles and questionings and sadness were all very much real to this mind and heart in the early days of this week. They made a somewhat demented chorus line of thoughts going through my brain and across my heart.
And yet …
Yet … much sooner this time, I talked to someone about the sadness I had trouble naming. I may have had a hissy fit or two with God. Hey, it’s not like He didn’t know one was brewing, or that I could make Him believe everything in this soul was hunky-dory when it certainly was not. So I allowed myself to be sad, a bit angry, and a generous dollop of frustrated. And then I was reminded it was no place to permanently take up residence. What of faith? Love? Hope? And as for being in or out of God’s will on a few things, I was firmly (but gently) chastised for basically looking for divine permission to not work on a few things rather than looking for ways to make a few things work. Ouch. But it was a good “ouch”. It helped steady feet that were shaky even as I knew none of what I was lobbing around was unsteadying God in the slightest.
So now I look for some space to plan, to work, to move forward. How about you? What are some ways you’re moving forward this Friday?
If you’d like, give this tune from Coldplay a listen. The video is a fun, trippy ride, too. But really pay attention to the words – I’m finding some genuine encouragement through them.