A Coffee and Some General Things Friday
Sometimes I’ll put things away in a spot where I am (at the time) sure I will find it later. Then later comes and I’m either tearing the place apart to find the thing, or I’m replacing it altogether to save my sanity and protect those around me. Other times I will outright lose things, things like pens or lists, appointment cards or plans, hopes or dreams or resolve.
I’d lost, so I thought, the last trio of things this past week. And I was praying about and pondering what had happened, what to do next on my way to my office job not too many mornings ago. Maybe, I was thinking, I was wrong. I should have done Y instead of X. God seemed silent, directions were not popping up as brightly and loudly as I so often wish they would, and I was feeling about as grey as the asphalt. My mind wandered a bit – possibly to the theme song for The Phil Vischer Podcast (it’s quite catchy) – before I remembered: I had been given direction. The problem pertained to what I was doing with it. And that would be precious little. I wasn’t putting in the work, doing what I could each day to make changes, to get going on a new course and get some things checked off a ‘to do’ list I have been carrying around for quite some time now.
But let me interrupt, well, me to apologize for the lack of specifics here. It’s not the time to share them. Not here, not yet. What I am trying to get around to saying is this: I was doing this week what I’ve done many times before: Wanting change with no effort on my part. Now there are reasons why I don’t want to put the work in – things like fear of failure or fear of getting it wrong, that sort of thing. Sometimes I’m simply being lazy. Other times I’m rather nervous about unknowns – where will this change lead? What other changes will come as a result? So I tuck hopes and dreams away, leave my resolve tucked up high in a hard-to-reach corner. The status quo seems easier, but at the same time it doesn’t fit right, not anymore.
What to do? Shrink myself down so the ill-fitting things fit once again? Maybe for some things … but for other things, it is time to try on the new, to put in the work and to see what happens next.
How about you? What have you been avoiding that you know you ought not to be?
(Happy Friday. I’ll find something to post about next week with less ambiguity colouring it.)