A Coffee and Some Regretful Regression Friday
I’m not sure which was the first domino to fall last week, but I have found myself tumbling backward into old safety/comfort zones at a frighteningly steady rate: Frittering away time via aimless surfing of the World Wide Web? Check. Staying up too late and getting up at the last-ish possible minute? Check. Being a slug? Check.
And what was not helping me get out of this quagmire of Regret Buidling 101 is the knowledge I have wasted so much time. I was stewing over it while getting ready (at last) for the day yesterday. All the opportunities I have missed and all the wrong ones I have taken. All the hours foolishly spent, of which I cannot get even a millisecond of a millisecond back. I bet if I did suddenly encounter a Time Lord with a TARDIS, I’d be told there were too many fixed points I could possibly muck up in crossing my own time stream, throwing all of time and space into horrible disarray.
I’m trying to remind myself all I can do is regain my bearings, figure out in which direction I need to head in order to get back on track, and then start walking. All I can do is move on from this point, none of this is surprising God (who knows my end from my beginning and all the minutest of details in-between), and beating myself up over it solves nothing.
Easier said than done, particularly late yesterday morning.
But then I had a busy afternoon at work, some hangout time with the hubs before we had to head out for a couple of hours in the evening, and some time to ponder and click away on my computer keyboard when back at home during which said hubs had coffee with a friend. And I was going to say during that time I came across this quote, but in a way I can’t fully explain, I know I was nudged toward it more than anything else:
“Forgive, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.” - Author Unknown
Almost immediately, the quote was tweaked in my brain to this:
“Forgive, not because you deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.”
Because there are, honestly, times when I don’t deserve forgiveness. Not from others, not even myself, because I know I royally screwed things up. But I have still been offered peace. Not by an unknown author, but by a known Saviour who does not give a tiny dollop of it. Oh no – He gives with lavish, unreserved abundance. (Peace today feels like whipped cream, y’all. Not the fake stuff, but the lighter-than-air kind that tops the best of desserts after the best of meals.) And better yet, He proffers forgiveness with the same lavishness. (Forgiveness today feels like a lemon pie – a bit tart because, you know, lingering guilt and shame. But it’s also sweet – sweet as it refreshes and revitalizes and the tartness dissipates.)
Forgiveness and peace equaling lemon pie and whipped cream – there’s a segue I did not anticipate. But today it fits. And it nourishes this soul as I regain my bearings, get pointed in the right direction, and get rolling once again.
I hope you have a happy Friday and, most of all, forgiveness and peace.