dreams low & lofty
“Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” –Les Brown, American author & speaker
I’ve been involved with the Sunday school department of my local church for the majority of my 20+ years as a member. Kids I taught when I was barely an adult are now adults themselves, some still attending this church, some with their own kids now moving up through the various classrooms. As kids do, they marvel somewhat at the fact their parents were once young enough to have Sunday school or youth group teachers while also liking to hear childhood stories of the people they have only known as grownups. I’ve been honoured to have been given the opportunity to teach, to hopefully show kids good and true reflections of God. And it has been a delight to get to know so many wonderful and interesting kids.
So it has a touch of the surreal to it, the realization in a few weeks time I’ll be starting a six-month sabbatical from teaching. It was a decision I went back and forth on for some time. Was I looking to change something for the sake of changing something? Was I no longer an effective teacher? Were there not other things I could cut out/cut back on in order to make time for other projects? Should I fully step down, or just step back for at time? What was God saying to me, where was He leading in all of this?
It felt like I looped through my questions and concerns a few times. Jeff would probably say it was definitely several times. It was not a decision that was made lightly, but one was finally made. And it was well-received by those who currently head up the department which was, honestly, a huge relief.
But as September 1st draws closer, I find myself still wondering at times if I made the right decision. Do I really need to step back in this way in order to open up some writing space? To dive into some projects around the house? To not neglect relationships, rest, and other things as well? Shouldn’t I be able to do it all? After all, I don’t have kids. Our only pet at present is a cat who, frankly, has us pretty well trained after 14-some years. I work full-time, yes. But it’s not a job where I take work home with me. Am I sure I’m not being lazy?
Yet when I stop, breathe, pray, and trust I know this is the right decision for this season. It’s time to attend to work on some dreams pertaining to words and pages, to goals for house and home. It’s not easy-peasy like I so often want things to be. And I don’t have the step-by-step plan I still want from God which He (seems) to so rarely give. At least not the next 127 steps ahead which to my mind would be fantastic to have. It’s more like I’m being shown the right next step with a vague idea as to what could come after that. Moving with Him this way is a challenge, you guys. But I’ve spent enough time refusing to move without a full plan in place. And I’ve got to rest in and trust Him, not my own ideas and plans and self-made identities.
Again, I have no elegant way to end this. (Though was any of this elegant? Ha!) But I am looking forward to discovering what’s next while learning to not get in a knot about the unknowns around the bend.