It's All Timey-Wimey
I’ve been struggling recently with some mistakes I’ve made, marks I’ve missed and the like. It’s hard when you have the realization certain things are likely never going to happen because of choices made (and not made), largely by you. And now the time to change certain trajectories is simply done and gone. Long-term consequences are on the horizon, and there is not a speck of sand left in the hourglass. I was talking with Jeff about it a couple of nights ago, saying how we hear things about God having a good and perfect plan for our lives, how there is His perfect will and His permissible will for us. I’ve always heard it as “God has a great plan for you life if you do everything right, and a “meh” one if you muck anything up.” I’m not saying that is the correct theology or understanding of God’s perfect will versus His permissible will, mind you, but it has been my takeaway for, I’m seeing, worse.
At the same time, I also hear about God knowing our end from our beginning, and with Him not being bound by the constraints of time, there are still means and ways at any point in our lives to end up exactly where we’re supposed to come the end of our days. Basically, God knew I’d be right here at this point in time, having made every decision I have to this point, and because He wrote my story starting at the ending, I can still get to that God-designed finish.
That gives me a degree of peace, and a measure of hope. Yet I still struggle. As Jeff and I both agreed upon, one can get caught in a endless, go-nowhere loop of questions without answers that wear you out. I suppose that’s why the apostle Paul wrote about forgetting the things behind him and pressing forward with what was still ahead of him. He knew the dead end he would wind up at otherwise.
Sometimes I think the writers of Doctor Who really said it best when they once had the Doctor explain the progression of time thusly in the classic episode Blink (episode 3.10):
People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it’s more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, time-wimey … stuff.
I have to remember this Christian walk isn’t about me ticking all the right boxes, jumping through all the right hoops so I can get to the right door in the end in some big, cosmic game show. It’s a journey, a continual learning process, and a walk I’m not on alone.
And God is faithful, even when I’m not and mess things up in the process.