Learning to Let Go of Self-Doubt
I asked one of those questions my husband manages to answer without breaking into a discernable cold sweat yesterday as we finished up the supper dishes: “Do I actually change, or do I just talk about making changes?”
My latest round of wonderings in this particular field were set off by my mom making a comment a few days ago about how there is a lot of talk about changing, but few changes actually being made when I mentioned I was listening to Pastor Steven Furtick’s sermon series The New Rules of Resolution: Five Facts That Change the Way We Change. And I heard in my mom’s innocuous comment, “Well, Michelle, you sure talk a lot about change, but actually change very little.”
After a little bit of back and forth Jeff pointed out my biggest struggle is with self-doubt. “It paralyzes you,” he said. And he’s right. It bleeds into so much of what I do and do not do, of what I hear, of what I say. (It also has made its way into 35% of the posts here over the last six months.)
Sometimes I would like to say it’s so-and-so’s fault, or due to some Big Event in my past, as if that would somehow make it all go away. But those scenarios won’t work, because I’m the one who cultivated these thoughts, who let them settle into my head and into my heart.
That’s it, really: No more.
I have no declarations or plans or bullet points to share. Just a simple “I’m working on changing this – doing my part while allowing God to do His – one day, one step at a time.”
What slow-but-steady changes are you working on?
*Photo Credit: ..stiina.. ©2007 (Flickr via Creative Commons)