The halfway point for the month of May came a bit sooner than I was expecting it to, to be honest. One minute it was May 1st, and then I blinked one morning while driving to work and it was May 15th and soon it will be June and not long after that the year will be halfway over and where has all the time gone? Look at what I’ve not done! Look at all I need to do! And there are not nearly enough hours in a day to do ALL THE THINGS!! Or at least there are not enough hours that I am using in a wise fashion …
I’m 45 years of age and wondering when, exactly, I’ll learn certain lessons. When will I learn to be content where I currently am while also working toward good changes, be it in relationships or work or habits? How do I steward well the ‘right now’ without devolving into merely maintaining the status quo? How to I move toward the ‘not yet’ without abandoning what still needs care and attention in present day?
As such, I’m feeling like I want to go in a dozen different directions at once – it’s a constant ‘can’t sit still’ feeling thrumming just underneath my skin that leaves me wanting to dash off to something, anything different. But that’s not a wise thing to do, change for change’s sake. But it’s also not always the time or place to ‘stay put’ either.
Ugh, what a conundrum, to be feeling bogged down and unmoored in the same breath, to want to stay put while pressing forward, to itch to change everything and nothing. Or maybe I’m over-thinking things and getting myself in a mental knot. That has happened a time (or twenty) before.
As such, I’m signing off at this point for this week. I’m not sure where to go next, what to do or write here, so … until next week! Hopefully some things will have settled by then in this mind and heart.