Yesterday was a hard waiting day. I was trying to not count down the days until Jeff’s CT scan and the follow-up appointment with the doctor to go over the post-surgery test results and assessments and the like. (For the record, that all happens next week.) Words from friends and family and acquaintances have been graciously peppered with encouragement, hope, and prayers. Our conversations have spoke of trust, provision, fears and anxieties, of praying men in lions’ dens. And yesterday I felt a blue mood creeping up on me. I didn’t wallow in the morning for some spring-cleaning and a couple of podcasts kept me distracted. I didn’t bemoan things in the afternoon (too much) as tasks and coworkers and bad radio playlists kept me busy. But by the time I was ready to head home, I knew I had to do something different.
I had to find some joy in the waiting. It wasn’t happiness I was searching for, but something stronger. So I plugged in my iPod to the car stereo and cranked the below song*, singing along off-key.
By the time I pulled into the driveway at home, I could not see that a single circumstance had changed. We’re still waiting for results and appointments. But my view was clearer, brighter.
Raise my hands . . . bow my head . . . keep my heart slow . . . I will wait
*I was going to defend my music library not consisting solely of artists who identify themselves as Christians. And then I decided it was pointless at this point in time.