A Coffee and Some ... Friday
I didn’t write in my journal very much when Jeff had cancer in 2008. It felt as if by recording any of it (beyond the smatterings I finally did jot down via a short-lived blog set up separate from this one), I would be giving it – the cancer, the enemy – some sort of power. It would know what it was doing in my head and in my heart, and that I would be making “wrong confessions” and all that sort of thing. So I stuffed a lot of it down, letting various bits and pieces of that time drift out of my mind and leave the faintest of marks on my heart. Oh, there are the memories and moments that have stayed. And, oddly enough, there are some I’ve been trying to recapture. For during those times there were still good things happening, still provisions being made that I know can be attributed to no other but God despite a faith which felt as though it couldn’t move the smallest mite of dust, never mind a mountain.
I find myself in a similar boat now, this not wanting to record things that are going on around me. The schematics are a bit different now, mind you: It involves more people for one and as such, the events are not solely mine to share. Privacy needs to be respected, and certain details are simply not meant for public consumption. Not to make things sound all super-serious and ominous, but that’s basically it: It’s not mainly Jeff and I walking this particular valley, and I want to be a help and not a hindrance to those we’re walking alongside. But again – even in the space where I record things “just for me”, I find myself not wanting to go into much detail, if any – to leave blank pages and words unsaid in a bid to rid this particular storm of its power.
But there are times, places, where words need to be put forth, where the speaking and/or the writing drains fear of it’s power to cow a spirit, muffle a voice, cripple a faith. So in phone calls or text messages, journal entries and late-night conversations, I have been and will continue to use words where and when I can. There are not always answers, but in its own way, it brings down the volume of those voices seeking to bring down those of us in a storm.
So even with the less-than-light tone of this post, I do hope you still have a good Friday, that you find hope in order to push back the darkness. And if you’re in the midst of smooth seas, please keep an eye out for us on choppy waters. We’ll be rolling in eventually and in need of a safe place to rest.