Last week the associate pastor at my church said something that I tried to type out verbatim into my phone. I don’t do well typing on small touch pads, so I’m hoping I got the gist of: He said sometimes you need to shut your eyes to what you see and look at what God has said to or shown you. And if what you heard or saw is indeed from God, then you need to keep looking for that thing, whatever it may be. Don’t listen to what others are saying to you about it, to what you are saying to you about it – listen to God. Follow Him.
I find that hard to do, for my insecurities want me to keep me running from this to that to the other. As a result I seldom get anything done, which feeds my insecurities. And then . . . then I jump in the hamster wheel of busyness once more, which results in my not making much progress and being worn out.
And still, waiting is hard.
I don’t know how Abram (later Abraham) did it, how he disciplined himself to be still, to go where God led him even when the directions were vague and the horizon a long way off and Abram was already old.
I wonder how many people told Abram he was crazy, or how often he was reminded of all his “incompletes” or failures or missed opportunities. Or did he not struggle with any of that?
Because there are things I want to do, things I believe I am supposed to be doing. Things I have started and made myself accountable to others to finish. And since about Friday, I have been overwhelmed by it all, fighting through a pea soup fog of apathy and tiredness, of past mistakes and wonderings of “Is it too late?”
I hate it.
So I need to cast off the antsy feeling dancing around me. I need to close my eyes. I need to wait. For eventually the fog will lift. The sun will break over the horizon. And I will know I am where I’m supposed to be. I will know where to go next.
I just need to remember to shut my eyes for a bit first.
Then he was told, “Go, stand on the mountain
at attention before GOD. GOD will pass by.”
A hurricane wind ripped through the mountains and shattered the rocks before GOD, but GOD wasn’t to be found in the wind; after the wind an earthquake, but GOD wasn’t in the earthquake; and after the earthquake fire, but GOD wasn’t in the fire; and after the fire a gentle and quiet whisper.
When Elijah heard the quiet voice, he muffled his face with his great cloak,
went to the mouth of the cave, and stood there.
A quiet voice asked, “So Elijah, now tell Me, what are you doing here?”
~ 1 Kings 19:11-13 (The Message)
^Photo Credit: Oswaldo Rubio © 2009 (Flickr via Creative Commons)